In sooth, I know not why I am so sad.

 In sooth, I know not why I am so sad:It wearies me; you say it wearies you;But how I caught it, found it, or came by it,What stuff 'tis made of, whereof it is born,I am to learn;And such a want-wit sadness makes of me,That I have much ado to know myself.

                                                                   -Antonio

 [Act 1, Scene 1, Merchant of Venice, William Shakespeare.]

Myth #101: If overthinking could cause weight loss I’d be super-skinny.

I wish this myth could be true! Had I spent a couple of hours thinking, I could have burned a fair amount of calories. I feel I’m putting on weight these days, I guess it is because I am practicing the Eat, Sleep, Scroll, Repeat lifestyle. This lockdown is making me lazy (which I already was, duh!) munching over food whenever possible and investing my time around my house laying here and there, is showing up on my fitness. You know, I spend more time thinking about working out, The Home Workout, than actually getting myself out of the bed and staring off. And here we go again, I’ll be wondering this for some time again if only I could control this overthinking somehow, you feel me, right?

So, what were we talking about today is the act of constantly analyzing and thinking too much about a particular thought over and over again, most of the time with no conclusion at all. You guessed it right, our generation’s hobby, Overthinking. It’s like rehearsing the same act all over again every time, whose climax is certain, but you keep improvising. You feel like getting stuck in the middle of nowhere, with no solution, no answers, and no way out, just thoughts flooding in one after the other.

We try to ignore it and focus on other activities but the more we try to ignore it the more it attacks our head. Whoa! Attack big word, Trust me once you start there’s no heading back it becomes an addiction. You know it isn’t good for you but somehow you’re triggered about it and you surely can’t neglect that. Staying away gets harder every day and you get drowned in it again and again, in the pool of thoughts. You do whatever you can, with all your might but it’ll somehow get hold of you. The most common victims of overthinking are the youth. Easily amenable, hotheads, developing hormones that make it simple to imprison them. Young minds are growing day by day, they are inquisitive.

Today the reason behind most of the overthinking cases spreading in young people is because of the lack of attention. A dearth of attention majorly by their parents, the child feels demoralized and starts finding faults in himself. Am I unworthy? Why am always I considered to be at fault? Am I that dumb/ stupid? Do my parents even love me?! Do I deserve love?! Am I good for nothing, just a small piece of crap who can never be loved, and even though they do, How can I share all these things they would never understand me! They would disown me and won’t talk to me again ever. I’m a spoiled brat. I’m absolutely nothing. My parents are so full of optimism and hope that one day their child would make them feel proud but what am I even doing is squandering their money, strolling with friends, failing at tests, and now falling into things, I never shall. How could I possibly make them feel proud when I’m wrecked by my own thoughts? 

Even the notion of telling them frightens me. It’s too much handle all the stress, hard work where at the end I’m going to embarrass everyone anyway. It’s so hard to control it after so many years I tried to control it for a while by getting engaged in some sort of work or hang out with friends but ever since the lockdown, I don’t know how to control it anymore and at night it’s worse. I tried music, web series but nothing helps at all. I’ll share my personal escapade; well it starts from anything which is connected to old memories.

Basically, I’m stuck in one phase of my life which is incomplete there are good and bad memories but the moment I hit the good memory the worst side comes along with it. And I always get hit by the same thoughts what if I could’ve done something else? What if I control the scenarios? Is deleting the worst chapter possible? Will I ever move on? Ugh! So many questions unanswered, until I actually try to discuss them. Look at the moment you get closure things to get pretty much easier the overthinking doesn’t fade away but at least it is taken off the edge. You just have to talk to the person or give closure to it. I know it sounds back-breaking. But there’s no harm trying it. Give it a shot you might feel better.

Relating to posts on social media, having cold wars, isolating you because of it. It’s your loss, it is a bootless errand. Get up, step up and just do it. It’s better to get things sorted rather than staying the dark all alone with no answers. Life is alluring and if you think you have all-time in the world, I’m sorry but you’re mistaken. There are people out there suffering through diseases like cancer may be taking their last breath. They’ll tell you, “Every second is worth it”. It’s hard but as I posted in the earlier blog if you think you can, you shall achieve it. Don’t give up so soon, try again maybe you won’t succeed at the beginning but that doesn’t mean it’s the end. Have faith. Take your time, it isn’t easy as it may sound but neither is it impossible. 

When I was in school my headmaster used to say this always just to motivate us, “It’s never too late, even if you commence today or maybe right now you might accomplish it”. Foremost, you should start believing yourself then the rest of the work gets easier. So, here we hope this would actually help you someway until then stay tuned. More stuff is about to come. This is my queue, I’ll be back soon. Ciao!

~R. Surve

©A. Utekar